It comes with a lot of questions and maybe some negative feedback.
So to start it off, I want to say I love my son. I love him more than I ever thought you could EVER love anyone. I loved him once I knew I was pregnant and then when he was born it was a rush of every feeling on earth holding him for the first time. I can't imagine life without him.
Everyone told me what it was like to give birth, but no one really tells you what happens later.
Yes, people said things will change, but no one really elaborated on that.
I was recently speaking to a friend who has no children but wants one. She is not married, dating a man who doesn't have the same outlook on kids and she is going to try to get pregnant without him knowing. She is going to lock him in, thinking that he doesn't know he wants kids, but if they have one he will change. This is so far from the truth! I don't know why people think this way. I have done my best to try to steer her away from this crazy plan but she has not listened. So what am I actually writing about? I want to tell everyone what is is like to actually be a mom (my view, maybe not yours, so if you want to say something feel free but these are my thoughts!).
Everything did change once my son was born.
My thoughts, feelings, future, everything was different.
Nothing was or is ever about me.
Everything is and will be about him.
My marriage suffered in the beginning, putting my son first proved to be a hard thing for my husband. I no longer cared about his thoughts or feelings or what he needed. I had to adjust to this and put my husband first when I could. It is still a daily challenge and I make sure that we have time for us without our son. Your partner will love your child, but it is a completely different love. Nothing is wrong with this, but once you are a mother you will know what I mean.
Your home is no longer your own. That pretty vase on the table will have to go away. You will have to baby proof everything, making it different to reach for items you need right away....if you are anything like me sometimes I can't even open those damn drawers!
You will no longer be able to come home from work, pour a glass of wine, listen to music and cook a leisurely dinner. You will feel rushed, exhausted and cater to the babies appetite and not your own.
Your will learn to do a loud of laundry while making chicken nuggets and mac and cheese.
You will learn all the songs to cartoons and movies you watch over and over.
You will learn that bath time can take a lot of time and these moments are fleeting so you have to learn to put down your phone and relax. You will learn that wine is your friend.
You will no longer be staying up late to watch American Horror Story but instead once baby is asleep you will be doing the dishes, making lunches and hopefully taking a shower yourself.
You will learn that organization is key to survival and if you don't have everything you need written down or in a bag for the next day you will walk out of the house missing something.
Mornings come early. Coffee is essential and crucial to survival.
The bills have doubled. Car size increases, the electric bill is way more than you ever thought and insurance has gone through the roof. Diapers, juice, snacks, all of these things take up more than half of your cart space and half of your grocery budget.
Those cute boots I wanted for fall will never find their way into my closet because my little human needs new shoes for his growing feet.
For Christmas I am given restaurant gift cards and I would love to use them for a night out with my husband but we usually take it to go because by Friday night we just want to lay on the couch and do nothing.
Exhaustion is my middle name. Being a mom is the most exhausting job in the entire world.
Saturday mornings are now cleaning, cooking and trying to go somewhere but it taking two hours to get ready so we just stay home.
I long for friends. Ones that know what I am going through and can relate. Though I know I have a few, we barely talk. Between working, having a baby, a needy husband, school, sports, schedules, no one really gets together like they used to.
I feel as if I have failed everyday. My home is never as clean as I want it to be. I don't have the body I think my husband wants and I don't feel as good as I probably could.
Is it worth it? Yes. Ten times yes. But I wish I had been more prepared. I wish I would have loved the body I had in my youth. I wish I would have spent more time loving on my husband. I wish I had traveled more. I wish I had appreciated the little things (like crapping alone). I wish I had gone out more, been a better friend, and just enjoyed life. But regardless of all these things, being a mom is the best job I have ever had. Props to moms that do it alone, I couldn't imagine! Props to all the moms out there. You are truly my heroes!
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